Monday, January 12, 2009

Feeling Relieved and a Little Guilty

It has been a whirlwind of a week. My mother-in-law made it known last Saturday (1/3) that she went in for a biopsy for breast cancer the previous day. She had known since the middle of December that things were not right.... a requested mammogram that afternoon after visiting a doctor. The mammogram showed a mass with feathery outlines-not a good sign. Nevertheless she waited until after the biopsy to begin letting the family know (at the urging of a close friend) because Monday (1/5) she would have the results. The doctor calls to confirm it is cancer and makes an appointment to see her Wednesday. They chat and he tells her he wants to do a lumpectomy and if needed remove some lymph nodes. Friday (1/9) she has her surgery and cancer is found in at least one of the surrounding lymph nodes so the doctor takes 6 out. More results are pending and she goes to the doctor this Friday to hear what kind of treatment she'll need to undergo.

You can understand the relief that we all feel to have the surgery done and know they got the cancer. A little unease that it had spread to a lymph node and possibly beyond. But the guilt comes in that I didn't treat this cancer/surgery with the same urgency in prayer I did my uncles just a few weeks prior. I love my mother-in-law dearly and it bothers me that it didn't seem as serious. I don't know if it is because she is typically a worrier...a mole hill into a mountain or worse- and she didn't seem worried or freaked out. Now I am sure some of that is for my benefit, or rather the families, so we don't worry too much over her. But still. I know I can pray now, and am thankful for that, but it bothers me.

Anyhow, the lady in question seems to be doing o.k. We went down Friday afternoon to the hospital, as there was a chance she would be coming home that night (not really, but that is what they told her). We also wanted to make sure my father-in-law ate dinner and was looked after. He doesn't hear very well and is a bit like a lost puppy without Ma. She does everything for him and he cannot do a whole lot for himself. So we showed up to the hospital to find 2 brothers there with Pa and having dinner. It was good to see he wasn't alone and hadn't been hardly at all throughout the day. (It was funny, though, because there was a complete lack of communication amongst the 6 siblings. I suppose there wasn't a whole lot of time from when we all found out to when the surgery was preformed.) Ma was still in recovery when we got there. They were just about to move her to a room. When we got upstairs to see her she was completely out of it and that further drove home that she would not, no let me rephrase, could not come home that night. We had packed things to stay overnight at the folks house and descended upon it with a furry. :) Poor Pa never knew what hit him. We ended up staying 2 nights for when Ma came home she was told to sit and rest. To not even get up to make dinner...which for her was going to be a major problem. She is a doer and like I mentioned does most everything for Pa and would need some help. The kids were all over her and made me worry if we weren't doing more harm than good...but there were lots of smiles from her in their need to want to be by her.

Time will tell with this one, whether it will be an ongoing battle of weeks or months and years. Would you pray with me that this is one that is won? My dear mother-in-law's name is Janet.
I have to say I wonder what the Lord is up to since several people close to us have been diagnosed with cancer within just the last 3 months. Is He preparing us for a new season of hardship? Or just trying to get us to get it through our thick skulls that we need to be ready at any moment. The bridegroom could return or call us home...and what legacy will be leaving behind? Genuine followers of Christ? Or ones who talk more than walk the faith? Hmmm....He's got my attention, that's for sure.


momma's heart said...

I will pray, Jess. It does sound scary. My mom had a small cancerous lump removed a few years back. She hasn't had any trouble since then.

Your writing is engaging and honest. I enjoy reading your posts.

Margie said...

I have been praying for her since last week when you mentioned this and I will continue. You are such a sweet lady and have an amazingly good heart. Let me know if you need anything.

Becca L. said...

She will be covered in prayer. Let me know if you need anything!

momma's heart said...

Thank you for your sweet comments on my blog the other day and today. I just wanted to tell you that there were links in that article, which didn't come through when I pasted it. I didn't have time to click on them, but I think they were writings from other homeschooling families. If you read it on her blog (Starry Sky Ranch), you'll be able to click on the links.

Did any good news come from test results taken after your MIL's surgery? I'm praying.

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